He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
