This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
