I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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