He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
