so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
