proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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