I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
