i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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