You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
