How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
