she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
