What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
