what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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