At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like eating out sand paper
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
