only if we run a train.
done.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
