therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
