if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
