He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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