I just saw a hot homeless man
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
