I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
