it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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