I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you would pick up someone in the library
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
