Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
