How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
