Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
