Im at strip club and am horny
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
