i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize