So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
