I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
