Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
