i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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