hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
