i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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