I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
