How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize