I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
