He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
