Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
