Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
