If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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