Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
