so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
