dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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