my phone needs a breathalizer
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
