Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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