i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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