She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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