dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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