I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
