Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
