At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
