that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
