I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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