i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
