Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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