a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
