I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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