I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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