Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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