I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
