i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
