when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
