no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
