My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize