I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
