you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
