in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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