i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We got so high we made milksteak
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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